Devil Lore Fan Pillows

'No wonder it's so warm! Someone's been messing with the thermostat again!'

Vlad the Impala

Zombies.

Dairy Devil

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

Naming that Impala

"First, we tell everybody that you're in rehab. I'll take it from there."

I'm sorry, Dick. I think we should start seeing other demons.

"I know winter gets ugly, but this is ridiculous!"

Middle-Aged Man Celebrates Birthday Riding Escalator Without Holding Handrail!

"I can't believe I sold my soul for platforms, they're so last season"

'Face it, William - you're shit at it!'

Morbid evidence showing a high dive went terribly wrong!

"First whack at sword swallowing?"

"So that's a 'no'. . .?"

Hire Wire Act

"Be right with you. I need to take this real quick."

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

Concerned about getting his expectant wife to the hospital on time, Gary hired a stunt driver for the 'big day'.

'Well, in all my years as a relationships adviser, this is the first time I've had to admit defeat within the first five minutes!'

At the retirement home for daredevils.

"Dad, do you believe in God?"

"Notice the quintessential aroma of Tuscany in this impressive little vintner we picked up in Italy."

Puppet holding cross at Vampire Puppet

'I'm sorry to say that one among you is not pulling his weight... I don't think it's necessary to name names.'

'What are these for? You only bring me flowers when you've done something good.'

'We spent centuries refining our eyes of newt and bat wing potion, and now we're expected to give it away for free?'

Ok, who told him to stick his tongue on the iceberg?

'Oh, come on -- You only live once!'

'Go ahead. If you make it across, they'll be telling your story for years.'

"Oh, by the way, as you were on your way down here your lottery ticket won seventeen million dollars."

Daredevil Jack: Nobody calls me Chicken!