Developer Conference Gifts

Open Source.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

The Computer Bore

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Inclusive speech

The interested bystanders.

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

Back to work...

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

Networking

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

Friday

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"'Meetingpalooza' sounded better in the brochure."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"