Desperate Measure Taker Gifts

Fred didn't know what was odder: his wife's beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that he actually tried the tip.

"Feel free to take notes."

'So do you want me to minute that George is dying of boredom and Nigel will rip my head off if I don't stop boring him with my blather?'

Jason and the Aga notes,

"And they say it's the safest 500-P/E stock out there."

Meanwhile at the Cafe de la Mort...

'I'm afraid the motion has been carried and you lost.'

'What did I ever see in you?' 'Fortunately I wrote it down. 'Jenny thinks I have a super sense of humour.''

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Ten percent chance of rain sounded pretty good!'

I know it sounds crazy, but whenever I'm hungry, I get a ringing in my ears. Pavlov's Dog" The Later Years.

What we especially like about these theoretical types is that they don't tie up thousands of dollars worth of equipment.

Devil-may-care loans.

Stan waits at the door for opportunity to knock.

Fat Chance - Casino & weight loss center.

'Just lend me a little bit more. I feel lucky.'

Casino. Ask about our frequent take-a-flyer program.

Last day of home school.

"Who says no one writes letters anymore?"

Personnel Dept. Frankly, we'd like a job so we can get into a Super Bowl pool.

Flo didn't know what was odder: the beauty tip that hemorrhoid cream reduces bags under the eyes or that she actually tried this beauty tip.

"How's the diet going?"

"Phyllis needs to stop taking our staff meeting minutes."

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

"Polishing my mouse just doesn't have the same calming effect as sharpening my pencil."

"NEED AGENT"

'I know you live a life of quiet desperation -- you never shut up about it!'

'Tell you what, I'll tell you what I'm writing if you tell me what you're writing.'

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

I'm thinking of skipping the holidays this year, in protest. Very good, little buddy. I see you've read chapter 7 of "Randy 'The Rock' Taylor's Guide to Winning Respect." "Become an admirable person by sacrificing something meaningful to you, in order to help others achieve something meaningful to them." I'm very proud of you, young grasshopper. I'm protesting the fact that I can't shop at H&M on Thanksgiving 'cause they'll be closed.

Risk Management Hut.

" 'No!' shouted Mr. Bixbey, slamming his fist down on the table. The floor shook, the walls trembled. Mr. Watson turned ashen. 'Y-y-you m-m-mean w-w-we . . .' The words wouldn't come out. He seemed to choke on each syllable."

"A meeting is something that reduces hours to minutes."

Lottery Chances

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."