Desktop Publisher Gifts

STRIP Hambone: Desktop Publishing by potato printing

The Computer Bore

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

Back to work...

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Friday

Letters escape from a caged book.

Sue the Author 3PM

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Tossing computer into canyon.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,