Desktop Publisher Gifts

STRIP Hambone: Desktop Publishing by potato printing

The Computer Bore

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

First Novels.

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Gay Times...

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"I bet you're curious about what's going on in the R&D Department."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

Back to work...

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Letters escape from a caged book.

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Friday

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Sue the Author 3PM

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Tossing computer into canyon.

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

Günter Grass

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,