Design Disaster Artist Pillows

"The feds wanted to put me in witness protection, but after they saw what you did with my website, they figured you could hide me better."

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

Girl who can't cook meets guy who can't fix stuff.

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

'This is my natural habitat.'

"Hello?"

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Rats deserting a sinking ship

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

"Wow! You've made a lovely job of those shelves in the hallway Gary!"

Spiro & Pusho painting a room.

Builders build a property that has a crease in it like the design plan.

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

My boat

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

A botched home improvement job.

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"The fire department ruined dinner."

'Is it still edible?'

"Feng Shwoops!"

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

Harry believed in having the right tool for the wrong job.

Some just ain't cut out for wind farmin'.

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

Bad Hobby Combination: The DIY Beehive/Mailbox

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."