Domestic Disaster Artist Pillows

"Did I turn off the stove."

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

"Hello?"

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'This is my natural habitat.'

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

Rats deserting a sinking ship

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

"Wow! You've made a lovely job of those shelves in the hallway Gary!"

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Right now he's painting himself in a corner.'

My boat

"Can you weaken the spring or something? -- It keeps knocking my coffee over."

"... 'Do it yourself enthusiast'?... No, George is more of a, 'cock it up yourself enthusiast'!"

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

A botched home improvement job.

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

Harry believed in having the right tool for the wrong job.

"It's just a hunch, but you may have the power set too high on your pressure washer."

'You called a plumber!'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

"After working from home for ten months, I quit my job to spend less time with my family."

"The feds wanted to put me in witness protection, but after they saw what you did with my website, they figured you could hide me better."

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

:Time to check out a YouTube video?"