Dependent Deduction Pro Pillows

Tax Preparer. I'm working on my client's tax returns. Mars, being the "red planet," is claiming a business operating loss. Jupiter, with all those moons, takes deductions for almost 70 dependents. And earth has no new nations this year ... so no "capitol gains" to declare. Did Mercury lower his taxes? Yeah, he's eligible for a huge solar energy tax credit!

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Guru.

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'Cancel your debt? How do you think I make my money?'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

Small Talk

The singles bar...

"I was acquitted."

'How will my turkey turn out his year?'

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

My tax preparation software accused me of padding my expenses.

I'm glad Twig's injuries aren't serious. Even so, her emergency room visit was $972. The good news is we've got health care. There's bad news. The deductible is $1,500. That's no so bad. One more accident and we can collect! Teddy! Got a job for you!

'Do you have anything that will help me do my taxes?' 'Yes, but we're not allowed to sell it on Sundays.'

"I have a home office. Can I deduct trips to the kitchen and bathroom?"

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'

"Not so much fun being people-watched back, eh?"

'One loophole per taxpayer only'

"They taxed my tax refund."