Dependent Deduction Pro Pillows

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

Guru.

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

Could I have a minute of your valuable time, Timpson?

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

I couldn't resist his pickup line. He said he had a job.

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"Now, Mr. Lindsay. About this non-profit organization you head."

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'Cancel your debt? How do you think I make my money?'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

"I was acquitted."

Small Talk

The singles bar...

'How will my turkey turn out his year?'

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

My tax preparation software accused me of padding my expenses.

'Do you have anything that will help me do my taxes?' 'Yes, but we're not allowed to sell it on Sundays.'

"I have a home office. Can I deduct trips to the kitchen and bathroom?"

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'

"Not so much fun being people-watched back, eh?"

'One loophole per taxpayer only'

"Hey, you're good! I could do with someone like you who knows all the loopholes."