Dentistry Dilettante Pillows

'Harold has been complaining about loose dentures lately.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'House wine?'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Macho Vegetarian

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'