Delights In Career Jokes Gifts

'How much for you to do my tax return?'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"Actually, I worked my way up from 'ideas'."

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"I used to be a political lobbyist, then along came this chance to be a slug."

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

'There were a lot of highly qualified applicants, but I was particularly impressed by your resume.'

"We need someone who's responsible."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'

"I want to be a footballer's wife."

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"I've enjoyed being a pet, but it's time for me to get a real job."

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

If you could be any vegetarian, which one would you be and why?

"My wife's career is in ruins... She's an archaeologist!"

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

'Can you do shorthand?' - 'I don't know, I've never tried.'

"Sorry, but your good references don't match the passion of your bad ones."

"…and don't let your cash buyout, stock options and lifetime medical benefits hit you in the button the way out."

"I find it admirable that you're so honest about your flaws in your resume. This has just saved the both of us a lot of time."

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

"You've got the job, but you've got to change your clothes."

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

'Nice smile! What do you think?'