Deli Diva T-Shirts

'He says he's a 'Sandwich artist' and he refuses to work in honey mustard.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Hmm...I LOVE chocolate chip ice cream...!"

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

"Larry never gains an ounce!"

How would Madam like to pay?

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"More croutons, sir?"