Defier Of Time Gifts

'I'll grow old gracefully when I want to and not any sooner.'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Zoom Wedding

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

Tragedy and Remedy.

'I want something to make me look younger.'

Old Biker: Now that I'm a real biker, all the old babes will want my body.

'Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest one of all considering her age?'

'IF this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever encountered.'

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

Don't call me old...I prefer 'chronologically challenged'.

Caution - Low gravity zone.

"Sign here that you acknowledge the risks."

'The kid is being tried as an adult. The old man is in his second childhood, so he's being tried as a juvenile.'

'Are we birds? Are these wings? Well, let's get rid of this idea that we can't fly!'

'Who are you?' 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

'You ask him to sing. I don't speak Italian.'

Life and Death.

"Well it's not the BEST facelift but what can you expect for $25."

If I write 35 today I'll be had up under Trades Descriptions - she's 50 if she's a day!

"It appears that while others grow older and wiser, you're just growing older."