Defense Skeptic Gifts

'OK... But can he play defense?'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

UK border controls relaxed.

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Privacy Conference Security

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

Alternative Medicine

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

"The president says it's a weather balloon."

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Worst budget cuts ever!"

'Since PRISM, nothing is 'off the record' any more.'

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

Skip the TSA scans by wearing a Burka

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

"Here's the weak point."

Obama's surveillance of America.

'I'm going to be honest about this -- I'm from the Government, and I'm here to bamboozle you.'