Defender In Disguise Pillows

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

Keyworker

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"But, honestly, I've never been more serious."

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

The Stock Market.

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

Fish with Shield

"Hey, buddy. If you're not making a call, vacate the booth!"

"How was your day, dear?"

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

Revenge of the Mallards.

"My weakness is collectible porcelain ponies."

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

Politics Books

No Soliciting

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"I'd suggest cutting back on the practical joking and to ask people not to pull your finger so hard."

"Thanks for the keyboard, grandma. But it's not the type I'm in need of."

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

"I'm a superhero for the benefit of mankind. It's my day job in a call centre that pays the bills."

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

Spring House Cleaning: Sweeping Cuts

"Loved the movie. Hated the audience."

Spying on the Football Match

"I've got him pinned down in the living room. He's not the monster they made him out to be."

'Have you ever considered that maybe you're egotistical, spoiled, greedy. . .'