Defender In Disguise Gifts

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

Keyworker

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"But, honestly, I've never been more serious."

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

The Stock Market.

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Exactly what day is this the soup of?'

A gift for me? It's a cape because I think you're a superhero!

Fish with Shield

"Hey, buddy. If you're not making a call, vacate the booth!"

"How was your day, dear?"

Roy felt it was important to act out any side effects that a prescription might cause.

'That filet mignon was supposed to be your last meal? Whoops-a-daisy!'

And what will it be today? The mask of comedy or tragedy?

Politics Books

"My weakness is collectible porcelain ponies."

Revenge of the Mallards.

'We just need to increase our collision policy enough to cover the amount of damage to our car from Joy backing into our neighbor's car, rick.'

No Soliciting

"Oh, and one last item, Ernie: The periodic burst of high-pitched, maniacal laughter... is that new?"

"I'm a superhero for the benefit of mankind. It's my day job in a call centre that pays the bills."

"No one whose name is pronounced that way lives here."

'Careful, it might be a trap...'

"Thanks for the keyboard, grandma. But it's not the type I'm in need of."

"Uh-oh!. . . Look out! Where did he come from? Something spooky is going on in this picture...Can you spot it?"

'Wizzo Wotsits - how can I help you? Just putting you through to customer services. . .'

"I'd suggest cutting back on the practical joking and to ask people not to pull your finger so hard."

Spring House Cleaning: Sweeping Cuts

'Have you ever considered that maybe you're egotistical, spoiled, greedy. . .'

Spying on the Football Match

"I've got him pinned down in the living room. He's not the monster they made him out to be."