Deer Whisperer Pillows

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

'Ever wonder why hunters only shoot at bucks? We've got the same coloring as females. same pointy snouts. Same rack of...'

"I'm not falling for that one, again!"

'Boy, look at the size of those tracks. I bet he will go 300 pounds.'

'GIT!!!'

'If anyone gets a record buck this year, it will probably be Herb.'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Licensed Therapist

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"No no, I said sit!!"

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"Quick, start the car!"

Barks in code.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."