Deer Whisperer Pillows

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

'Ever wonder why hunters only shoot at bucks? We've got the same coloring as females. same pointy snouts. Same rack of...'

"I'm not falling for that one, again!"

'Boy, look at the size of those tracks. I bet he will go 300 pounds.'

'GIT!!!'

'If anyone gets a record buck this year, it will probably be Herb.'

Bitchbark Canoe

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'What motivated you to become a environmentalist?'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Children's Parties

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"No no, I said sit!!"

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Barks in code.