Deduction Strategist Gifts

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Baseball Fantasy League Draft. 27 Trout. Everybody wants that rare player who can do it all on their team. Yeah, a player that hits for average and hits for power! Who is also terrific with a glove and has a strong throwing arm. All along with having great speed! Excuse me, I just don't understand it. Why are you always making such a big deal over a five-tool player?!

We have to stop surprising each other.

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate.'

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"Good heavens, Holmes! How did you deduce that I had recently lost my reading glasses?"

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

Banana striptease...

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

Goalie Wall.

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

'We'd like one pizza cut into eleven pieces.'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

"It would appear that our 'rainy day investment fund' hasn't even yielded enough to buy us an umbrella each."

"You get your money back if your don't get laid in seven days."

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, Russia and Qatar agree to freeze oil production

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

"I don't have a set price. I charge what the market will bear."

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes, but we just can't allow all these deductions."

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

No Need To Hurry! Everything Must GO!