Deduction Divas Gifts

Itemicia: The muse of itemized deductions

Let's get organized

"It looks like our house got sick and threw up the attic."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"Just put that in my, 'I'll get to it when I can, I'm only human' pile."

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Baby dressed for the opera.

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

'After years of studying the apes I've finally found a way of being accepted into their group.'

"Good heavens, Holmes! How did you deduce that I had recently lost my reading glasses?"

'Nothing this week †between your pay and your deductions, you broke even.'

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

"I don't think you're getting the point of this exercise."

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"When the IRS sees your deductions they'll get a good laugh!"

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

After income tax, pension and national insurance I end up owing £450.

Healthy Witch Digest

My mum is very houseproud.

Man sells IRS insurance outside IRS building.

'It's a simple change. Instead of software, you should be writing off your employees as hardware.'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes, but we just can't allow all these deductions."

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

Jennifer Felt Perfectly Safe Walking Through the Park at Night with Her Handy Cast-Iron Baguette.

'The only reason I'm having Cindy do my homework, Dad, is that you always say a good manager knows how to delegate work.'

'Do you have anything that will help me do my taxes?' 'Yes, but we're not allowed to sell it on Sundays.'

My tax preparation software accused me of padding my expenses.

'Gibbs, I subracted your federal, state and social security taxes and medical from your paycheck, and you owe the firm $50.'