Divination Diva Gifts

Tarot Lying

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

Party Time!

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

Brownie Points

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

"Free speech" does not mean your ignorance is equivalent to our knowledge!

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

Dancing Doctor

'I'd like to overwhelm them with instructional excellence, but I'm not above winning through intimidation.'

Meanwhile, back at the 'shape' party... 'Hey, check out the square dancing with Brenda...!'

"Face it, you'd be lost without me!"

"You're not serious. You want me to up Latin dance?"

'It;s the xmas party, Jane... let your hair down!'

"I admire the way you avoided that radar trap."

"It's time for an adult conversation, dear. Let's give your father a minute to leave the room."

"Your father's upset because I've been autocorrecting him."

Spring Break!

The Young Woman Who Lived in a Shoe.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

"If you ask me, good parenting requires clear boundaries, loving discipline and random acts of off-the-wall crazy."

Triceratops - "A Turtleneck? You couldn't get me a shirt with buttons?

'It says the best way to stop undesirable behavior is to ignore it.'

"You said I'm not supposed to tell you how to drive... but you did miss the turn-off four miles back!"

'What the blue blazes is a 'tunerfish' sam'wich!?'

Mom Air. *Bing* Your captain has hit her limit with those infernal portable electronic thingys, and wants you all to site quietly and read until she tells you it's ok to stop.

Turtle timeouts. And when you think you can behave, I'll be back to flip you over. (Published originally on May 21, 2003.)

"The love ballad I'm about to sing will pose a lot of uncomfortable questions about gender identity and class-based issues. I hope you can handle it."