Decoration Champion Pillows

"When you can't actually see the tree, it may indicate that you are too festive."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Painting by the numbers for adults

Painting the Ceiling

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

"Something went wrong after you inserted tab A into slot B."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

Framed Lady

"I love these old decorations!"

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

Christmas Presents.

"I'm starting to think stripes."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Face Painting.

"Honey, I think that's too many bows."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"Hon, do you think the accent wall was a mistake?"

'Quick, press control Z!'

Redecorating Easter Island.

'I wanted a change in decor.'