Prideful Decorator Pillows

"I'm so glad that you could pop round to see the new carpet."

'You certainly have a well equipped workbench.'

Shelter Cat Nap

Man with raked leaves on wall plaques.

"I love these old decorations!"

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

'I found out how to redecorate the easy way - just call the old wallpaper names and it will come down to slap you!'

Modern Parents

Super glue . . .

"We had these twigs flown in from Italy."

'When we converted the pub into a house, we decided to keep some of the original features.'

'No - I'll give the underlay a miss.'

Celebrate EVERYTHING

Modern Furniture/Sculptures Object to Old Fashioned Chair.

"And our charging station, also a period piece. . ."

'Days until miminimalism is over and we can get our things out of storage...'

'Can't we have a valentine party without girls?'

"Gosh, Bob, I just LOVE the dynamic interplay between the new wall color and the accents of pandemic-era psychosis!"

"Do me a favor. . . stick to changing the wallpaper that's on your computer."

"Of course, after I became a PETA member I had to get rid of the heads."

'What can I use to get this paint off my shirt?'

'The degrees? They're phony! I just like to show off what I made in the framing course I took.'

'. . . as shelves go it's okay - but I like to feel that my best work is ahead of me!'

'Burberry cushioning, very nice.'

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

The Bathroom of Jesus and His Bride

"This place is perfect. It must have been built for us."

Pear Lights

"I wanted a gazebo."

Inferior Designer

US Army Knife.

Non-Drip Paint

'It must be some sort of medical phenomenon that all the men in one office are afraid of heights.'

Devil buys a fridge (its hot in hell).

"Go get me a visualiser! I'm thinking market meltdown, I'm thinking bail-out suspension!"