Deck Devotee Gifts

'I hear Joey started out dealing 3 - card Monte on 42nd Street.'

Happy Hour

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'I'm having trouble with my drinking. Arthritis in my elbow.'

"I was a gainfully employed copy editor. Suddenly, one day, I couldn't tell an em dash from an en dash."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'They learn fast, don't they?'

"Just for once, why don't we forget the poor and blow the lot down the local tavern?"

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

"The latest news on the gardening fashion front is 'Ditch the decking'!"

In an alternate universe, characters from the rough draft and finished manuscript of the same novel meet themselves at a cocktail party.

'Tell me about it, buddy... I completely understand where you're coming from.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

Dun Decking

"I believe it because I believe it and that's how I know it's true."

"I'm just saying, if you keep insisting we seriously discuss problems and work on solutions, we're stuck here all afternoon!"

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

"After endless delays, boarding confusion and lost luggage, it appears he's finally arriving at his conclusion."

Night of the Living Well-Read

"I was deadwood but I'm out of a job. I guess I'm driftwood."

'Single or double?'

'Don't drink on an empty head.'

"Our manifesto must offer a measured but devastating critique of flying."

Hey! This is good in a first meeting. A frank exchange of opinion!

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

Opposing viewpoint.

"With religion and politics off the table, the only thing left to argue about is gluten."

Joe's: 'Opinions on anything & everything!'