Deceptive Calculator User Gifts

How To Make Numbers Lie. . .

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Maths is fun!'

The life of penguins.

'I forgave ya for puttin' 'em all in one basket, but this goes too far!'

Exit. I never get tired of watching them fall for that.

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

Nerd emergency: tongue stuck to frozen PC screen.

Carl shrewdly dupes his co-workers into believing that he is totally committed to the new mandatory overtime policy,

Gardener of the Year.

'Well, arithmetic IS important. It let's you understand money so you can buy batteries for your calculator.'

"EINSTEIN! Stop fooling around and pay attention...."

Alternative Accountants

'Oh yeah, well your dad may have a better calculator, but my dad can add without one.'

How to throw your voice: 'I am guilty. I did it. I confess.'

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

Calculator Jokes

I can't decide if you make me want to be a better man, a better lawyer or a better liar. ! !

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

Accountant job

'You have to learn arithmetic in case your computer crashes.'

"Let's eat lunch in the park and play 'Guess that Stranger's Tax Bracket.'"

"Stop using math to make me look bad."

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

'Division is just like addition except you have to use a different button on the calculator.'

'This calculator is no good for my economics class. It has room for only eight digits in the read out window. We're studying the Federal deficit so I'll need at least fifteen digits.'

'1 divided by 9 equals 0.11' - '9 times 0.11 equals 0.99' - 'Mum! My calculator is stealing from me again!' - 'Go play outside, sweetheart.'

'Forty two carry four...' - 'Please get your calculator fixed.'

"... Maths? Isn't that what people had to do before they discovered calculators?"

"Ignore that, Mrs. Schmidt, it's the oldest trick in their book!"

"Thank you for saving me, Mr. Nice Man! I almost drowned! You're so good-looking and noble and strong! I can't believe how you fought off that shark!"

Takes One to Know One

'You said you were after a creative tax lawyer.'

"You must have the wrong address."

"You been a problem to us for the last time."