Debt Whisperer Gifts

Bad Credit

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Rising Gas Prices

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

Post Game Day Betting.

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

Ukraine War Clouds

In the red

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

How to do without

One day, John found out that not only he could understand animals but his money, too.

'I notice you're downsizing.'

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

'You can come in now - the auditors have gone.'

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"The Good news is that we cut a few corners, used clipart and brought the campaign in under budget!"

'75% of our resources are spent dealing with the elderly and infirm...and that's just the STAFF!'

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!