Debt Whisperer Pillows

Bad Credit

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Rising Gas Prices

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

Post Game Day Betting.

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

In the red

'Sir, what's this big once in a lifetime nonnegotiable deduction?'

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

How to do without

Ukraine War Clouds

One day, John found out that not only he could understand animals but his money, too.

'I notice you're downsizing.'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

"The Good news is that we cut a few corners, used clipart and brought the campaign in under budget!"