Bond Whisperer Pillows

'Why do you keep wasting your money on this rubbish?'

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

Opening the door to new customers

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"Do you swear to calm the jittery financial markets, all the jittery financial markets and nothing but the jittery financial markets, so help you God?"

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

"Yow! Thank goodness you've kept costs on a short leash!"

'It took a six hour operation to remove this fiver from your fist.'

'Your 11:15 is here, to ratify the new agreement.'

'I've been a broker for almost three days and I've never seen the market act like this.'

'As a rationalization specialist I actually have a concept to cut our deficit quickly and effectively - Just do a head stand'!

"If we were a business - rather than a government - we'd be bankrupt!"

"Raising the debt ceiling is a ponzi scheme!"

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

How to do without

'Boy, are the markets getting sensitive, anymore.'

Ukraine War Clouds

"You say there's a dip in the market?"

'I see you have a stock market/body connection.'

"I'm getting subtle hints of what the Fed might do."

"I can't keep giving you stock tips. The SEC has been making 'insider trading' inquiries."

'I'm trading futures in green sheets.'

'I notice you're downsizing.'

'A few rules for new investors: First never say 'kaching' until the market is up...'

One day, John found out that not only he could understand animals but his money, too.

Stock Market Decline

'I doubled my money! The bank dude gave me 20 50-cent-coins for lousy ten one-euro-coins!'

"The Good news is that we cut a few corners, used clipart and brought the campaign in under budget!"

"Retail shares just went up ten percent. My wife must have gone shopping this morning!"

'75% of our resources are spent dealing with the elderly and infirm...and that's just the STAFF!'

-Yipee! He's well out in front! -You do realize they're only going down to the start!

"The free investment advice is buy low and sell high. We offer more detailed advice for a fee."