Debate Aficionado Gifts

'If there's one thing I can't stand it's nit-picking pedantry.' 'That's two things.'

"A word of advice...a simple yes or no answer must be avoided at all times."

'Yes, I am a Doctor. Here's my card if you ever fancy dying.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

"I think Republicans and Democrats alike can agree that Frank Shustermann is dead."

Gym Jordan: Word Clod

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

"Of course she can."

"You can't legislate morality."

'30% liked you, 34% liked your opponent, and 36% were sick of politics.'

Political Symbols: Republican elephant, Democratic donkey and uninformed voter.

Dialogue!

We must get back to fundamentals, taught by fundamentalists!

Poetry debate

'Mr. Martin, you said 'on the other hand' three times. How many hands do you have?'

Be objective - never take your own side in an argument.

Closing Remarks: 'And let me say in conclu...conclu...clu...'

POLLS, 'Who do you think is the greatest person who ever lived -- Barack or Michelle?'

"My weasel of an opponent is running a negative campaign, but unlike that dirtbag, I'm taking the high road."

"I say let's introduce the burqa...for men!!"

Always the smartest guy in the room.

"Get lost..! This one's mine!!"

"Don't mention Pat Buchanan, pro or con."

"Global warming, in my opinion, is the last refuge of an environmentalist."

"It tickles me that my vote will cancel Paul Krugman's."

Open Carry

"When we're independent, we can vote for independence as often as we like."

Republican Debate

The Magical MAGA Inverting Mirror

"I'm telling you, Hutchins. It's 'Feed a fever. Starve a cold.'"

The Republican Point of View: Not a Smoking Gun

"Without resorting to violence, we're asking, 'Who's the best president ever?'"

Gladstone visiting his Greenwich constituency

'Trials of the umpire at a ladies' double.'

"Happens every time the new polls come out...he Trumps his pants!"