Death Positivity Proponent Pillows

He's still in denial.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

"Privates Beach"

YOLO vs YODO

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Breast Height Chart

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

Aging Problems

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"They're very time-sensitive."

Girl's weight issues.

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."