Death Positivity Proponent Gifts

He's still in denial.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

Critisize your weight.

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Privates Beach"

YOLO vs YODO

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

Breast Height Chart

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

Aging Problems

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

"They're very time-sensitive."

'Good grief! Who CARES where our tails begin?'

Girl's weight issues.

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"So has this obsession about your weight ever led to thoughts of suicide?"

Fat fairy