Death Positivity Advocate Gifts

"Burial or cremation?"

"You measured him! Does it shut?"

Coroner spraying deodorant on dead body.

"He figured more people would attend if we called it a celebration of his death."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Privates Beach"

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

Critisize your weight.

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

YOLO vs YODO

Breast Height Chart

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'Good grief! Aren't you extinct yet?'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"That's a big fat lie!"

'I did have a tummy-tuck...But I opted for reconstruction surgery at the same time.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

Aging Problems

"Damn. These must have shrunk in the wash." "I don't think so."

"When you're healed, I'm going to wear it so I can't see what I weigh."

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'I'm feeling so good, I'm worried I may catch some uplift anxiety.'

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

Hips may appear larger than they actually are.

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'