Dealing With Dating Disappointments Pillows

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

Life is for the birds.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

The Adventures of Morton

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"Why do you always fall for these totally unobtainable types?"

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"But the restraining order was totally temporary."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

I always strike out on blind dates

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."