Dealing With Dating Disappointments Pillows

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

Life is for the birds.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"Try a danged head shot!"

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

The Adventures of Morton

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

"Why do you always fall for these totally unobtainable types?"

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

Earlier that day. Cheapskate Ernie bought discounted love potion 8.

"But the restraining order was totally temporary."

I always strike out on blind dates

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."