Dealership Humorist Gifts

"This car is very economical on gas. Used hardly any getting over here."

Used space shuttle

"That's the first dishonest dollar that I ever made."

"Never mind the transmission and the brakes. Is there a warranty on the horn?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Any questions?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'

'Could we finish these negotiations via e-mail? That will allow me to think before I respond to your proposals.'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

'We have what might be a very good idea...'

'I'm sorry, Henderson - But profits are down and we have to make sacrifices.'

"When we changed the company name, the stocks went through the roof!"

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'We want you to get us into the international honey market.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"