Deal-making Extraordinaire Gifts

"Mr. Bermudez, I'm insulted! At Big Bob's Auto Mart, we don't play silly games! We engage in strategic manipulation of numbers and options to perpetuate the illusion of customer satisfaction! The cheap dealer down the street who can't afford a fancy marke

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"You are aware that we try to make money here, yes?"

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'First, the Rules of Engagement for this meeting ...'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

'He's out massaging,manipulating and monopolising.'

"I'd prefer a win-win solution – but I'm open to just a win."

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

'That's the way I remember him...always cooking up a deal.'

"It sounds good so far, are there any strings attached?"

Just Merged.

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

All this week! 1 extra hour with every clock purchased.

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

'The business is worth $125,000, tops. We expect Google to offer us three billion.'

The aspirin deal has given him a headache.

'It's not a stick-up, it's a merger offer.'