Deal-making Wizard Gifts

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

A Quiet Rebuke.

"Anyway, we'd love to have You on board for the Creighton deal."

'A hostile takeover just wasn't feasible, so we agreed to a hostile merger.'

It's a deal. You give me five analysts, three pundits, seven technicians and a soothsayer. I give you six experts, five professors, four consultants and a prognosticator.

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

"The Oaths of the Venture Capitalists."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'He's out massaging,manipulating and monopolising.'

'Why don't we try a renegotiated buyout offer before we go with the Plague of Rabid Bats thing.'

"I'd prefer a win-win solution – but I'm open to just a win."

"Remember, negotiating is like buying fruit. You don't know what you'll get until you squeeze 'em a bit."

'The trick is to be gentle yet firm in negotiations. I prefer soft money and hard liquor.'

'That's the way I remember him...always cooking up a deal.'

"I came, I saw I takeovered."

"Take this box of rumors, innuendo and hearsay and turn it into decisive leadership."

"It sounds good so far, are there any strings attached?"

Just Merged.

'Everything is negotiable, including my integrity.'

"I was hoping we could avoid the middleman"

"Don't anybody move: this is a merger."

'The business is worth $125,000, tops. We expect Google to offer us three billion.'

'It's not a stick-up, it's a merger offer.'

The aspirin deal has given him a headache.

"I wasn't talking in my sleep. I was negotiating."

"From now on we’ll no longer pay your trucking company for driving for us. We’d like to be paid by you because you’re allowed to transport our great products!"

'I love it. It's a win-lose situation.'

'Sorry for interrupting. I didn't realize you were still trying to hammer out an agreement.'

'So, anyone have any idea how we go about explaining how we made a hostile takeover bid for one of our own subsidiaries?'

"For goodness sake, wait till he's signed the McKimson deal!"