Daylight Savings Humorist Pillows

"Hi Honey, don't forget to set your clock in the studio ahead today."

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

Time management office worker

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Make sure you get payment up front."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

Budget Opticians.

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

"Hands up!"

Dollar sign balloon.

"Please ... let me get a new hair dryer!"

PANIC!

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

The end of baseball season is near

Computer that runs on money.