Daylight Savings Humorist Gifts

"Hi Honey, don't forget to set your clock in the studio ahead today."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Time management office worker

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

'Your investments in sub prime mortgages have become collectors items now! Aren't you excited?'

"Make sure you get payment up front."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

Secret Identity Theft.

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

'Make appointments for all the people I don't like using the Mayan calendar.'

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

Budget Opticians.

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

Dollar sign balloon.

"Please ... let me get a new hair dryer!"

Unaware of the importance of dryer sheets, the crew of the starship enterprise embarrassingly warp through space with static Klingons.

PANIC!

"Hands up!"

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

Today's highs will be around 65. Today's lows will be getting out of bed and the morning commute.

Computer that runs on money.