Dating Rights Debater Gifts

'Men never appreciate what's at stake in a relationship.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'I can lash out at you, unlike with other girls.'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

Darn it, you're touching my half of the loveseat again. (Published originally on Feb. 20, 2008.)

I can have any woman I please - trouble is, these days they're almost impossible to please.

Bleeding flag...

'All right, I agree with you.'

'My wife was psychic and divorced me over an affair I hadn't had yet.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, Do you agree with Rudy Giuliani? He said the president doesn't love America, because he's always apologizing for it and finding fault with it. Thoughts? *Actual reader question. Sounds EXACTLY like love to me. My husband would disagree, but don't mind him, he's just a quarrelsome know-it-all. Ask Sadie at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

Desk Organizers: 'He Said' and 'She Said'.

'We are no longer called criminals! We're called 'Legally Disadvantaged'.'

'It's silly to jump at the first man who comes along.'

Cuz I Was Scared

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

"I was being myself like you advised. That's when she dumped me!"

"It seems your polls have slumped ever since that issue with the washing up."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but actually 47% of 235 people covering 34%..."

'And only enough blood to work one at a time.'

"She dumped me the minute I flunked out of medical school."

Cops at domestic scene with the Hickenloopers.

"Next time you give me anniversary flowers go out and buy them!"

?20 tax breaks for married couples - 'If we got married we could afford to binge drink.'

"It will be nice to get out, have a few bitter generalizations, and come home."

Speed Dating/Speed Dumping

"So, it's illegal to charge a mobile phone now, is it."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

'So now I've got a dollar burning a hole in my pocket...'

"Where you want to hunt and gather tonight?"

'My trial marriage was dismissed for lack of evidence.'

You talk about gender equality but you rejected my application! Shame on you, Femen!

"What on earth makes you think giving up golf would be one of my new year's resolutions?"

"He said he's with another woman, but I know that he's at the golf club again."