Dating Profile Juggler Pillows

"You don't look like your picture."

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

Multi-Tasking

"It's no good - I just can't do this without a brief and a deadline."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

Senior PGA Moment.

"I want to apologise for calling this meeting on such short notice."

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

"How a cartoonist's mind works #3 in a series" "Cartoons you think of during the day and draw" "Cartoons you think of in the middle of the night and forget"

Complaining cricket wives

"How much is this going to cost me?"

"I'm putting myself through med school by waiting tables. I'll be back shortly to take your blood pressure."

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

'We don't have anyone here by that name. Was he perhaps using one of his aliases?'

Occational lovers - "Let's see...work,work,work,time to recuperate.." "How about Friday."

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

If you're a multiple personality could you spare an identity for an amnesiac?

Love chair

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

"It's not what you think."

The Joy Of Txt...

'I think someone's asking to go out.'

State of Work...State of Marriage