Dating Pioneer Pillows

"We met on Agnostic Rendezvous."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I'm sorry about all this. It's my animal magnetism."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'I begin to question whether this startup ever had venture capital.'

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"The cheek of him! At the end of the first date, he wanted me to go to his home to roost!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

The perfect man

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"The worst thing about having aliens abduct you is that they say they’re going to call, but they never do."

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

Biological Cuckoo clock

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

Mate Mart

"Sorry, pal. I just need to make sure she likes me for me."

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"She said don't forget the straw."

Russian Dating.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'