Dating Innovator Pillows

Sarah enjoyed her dates a lot more ever since she invested in a ChaperDrone.

"Ice-picks and chill?"

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

Evolution.

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Romantic Coffee Dates

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

"You're still burying your bones? I store mine in the cloud now."

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

"My husband's a big eater. Do you have any edible bathrobes?"

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

Ab Lawson's Genetic Engineering Farm

'Let's get some play-doh and make happy masks.'

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"