Dating Misadventures Fan Gifts

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"She's just being Koi."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"You lack spontaniety."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Ok, Bachelor number 2: What's your idea of a perfect first date?'

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

Are you honestly trying to play footsie with me? I never mix footsie with honesty.

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

I've been going on a lot of first dates lately, but nobody wants to go out with me for a second date on Valentine's Day. The architect made other plans and the banker has no interest in seeing me again. The pilot doesn't see our relationship getting off the ground and the teacher thinks one date was enough --- she said she learned her lesson. What about the dietitian? I thought you two had a great time. We did --- but she's looking for somebody higher up the food chain.

Joe Hundredaire

'Sorry about that, Miss Delsey. I guess the boat wasn't sinking after all.'

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."

"Boys meet the girls. Girls meet the boys. . ."

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

Speed Dating