Dating Disdainer Gifts

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You lack spontaniety."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

'He had bulging muscles and a wallet to match!'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Ostrich Bar

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

Alligator Bars

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

Romantic Coffee Dates

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

A Tree Grows In . . . Wherever.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"What if I dress up like a Chihuahua?"

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"Yes, we met on a blind date, or in your father's case, a blind drunk date."

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"We pointed, but we never clicked."

"Boys meet the girls. Girls meet the boys. . ."