Dating Advisor T-Shirts

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

Courtship display

'No, the waiting room here probably isn't a good place to meet women...'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

Try Mediation

Window Treatment

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

'It's been years since she sang my praises.'

"My computer just texted me."

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"...and do you agree to accept him as he is, and not try to change him?"

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Hollywood Breakup

"Well if it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, why don't I be right and you be wrong?"

"I didn't mean your day wasn't hard, too."

"I wish I'd had the eye test before I got married."

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother."

"Remind me - if I'm no longer a footballer, and you're no longer a celebrity. . . why are we here?"

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

The Stages of Wine

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

"It was the unsubstantiated rumours that attracted me to you in the first place."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'