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"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"Look - I'm cold, you're cold. Why don't we settle down and start a family?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

Tasty.

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"Randy the love doctor, what ails you, brother?" "My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony." "But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike?" "Of course." "That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all." "Exactly. ...Wait, what do you mean by that?"

"You took a vow of poverty, celibacy and silence. But aren't they the marriage vows."

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

'Come now - surely we can draw up this pre-nuptial agreement amicably.'

'If you want to get anywhere with girls, you gotta PRETEND to like bunnies, ponies, and kittens.'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

"I know you're angry when you cross your arms."

'I usually don't do online dating.'

'He is so lazy,I even had to get a man in to cut our wedding cake.'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

'It feels great now, but you will see when it's pulled out.'

"Just remember, the number one reason for divorce is marriage."

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"And after I'm through with this, I'll show you the exciting array of other body-piercing services we're now offering!"

'I need a commitment. I don't want to just hang out with you.'

Courtship display

"Couples therapy is not 'going out.' Henry!"

"I was being myself like you advised. That's when she dumped me!"

"I do too communicate. I just asked you where the do-dad is to fix the what-cha-ma-call-it!"

"Will you still love me when I outearn you?"

'Is your girlfriend still playing hard-to-get?', 'No -- now she's playing keep-away.'

'Will you marry me, Miss?'

"Well, if you'd married a dentist like I wanted, maybe HE could explain Bluetooth to me!"

'Roy proposed to me in an email, but my spam filter rejected it.'

"I remember when these two matched on Hinge, casually retweeted quips on Tweitter, lost each other for a bit, slid into Instagram DMs...and here we are at regular texting and marriage."