Database Management Gifts

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

Database Ball.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Useless information"

'Congratulations on your purchase of the new Kablooey! Desk Organizer! Instructions for use...'

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Is there an option to make my out-of-office message permanent?"

Couple using thier new garden hose in the rain

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

"When I grow up I hope to get into data storage."

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

"This weekend was boring! All we did was go camping, biking, fishing, sailing, swimming, got to a game, go to the amusement park and go to a movie."

'I have created the first interactive pile of paperwork.'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'It looks like our data.'

Information about information about information about information.

The weightless office.

After forty-seven years in management, it was only appropriate that he be buried in paperwork.

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

Information Tightrope.

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

Information vs. confusion

'Things just haven't been the same around here since people starting saving files in the cloud.'

'This must be the effect of the climate change! Even the data cloud has started to rain!'