Database Detective Gifts

'Do you think you can hack into the Inland Revenue computer and delete an audit?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

STRIP Hambone: Fix it yourself

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

Computer Expert

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

Where was I?

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Terry had a computer bug.

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

"Our new automated workers need a little fine tuning, but they're coming along..."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"Careful! He knows computers."

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."