Data Manager Gifts

'Well, this certainly explains much of the company's missing data. Who else thought the 'DEL' key on their computer was for delegating work?'

Surely there's an easier way of moving files?'

'I have here a list of websites you failed to delete from your hard drive...'

National Archives

"Oh dear, it seems your file has been routinely destroyed."

'Remember Mr Pooter is not just a 'patient', he's an important source of valuable and readily marketable data!'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

'Concerns about our data management are misplaced...our new system is very robust Miss Pettigrew.'

"When you spend a your time making backups of backups of backups.."

"And that's the president's personal cloud storage."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

Big Data Tonight

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.