Data Professional Gifts

'Crusher' Collins: Data custodian by day, data bouncer by night.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Welcome to the future"

"My email is down... talk to me."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

The Computer Bore

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'Here's MY information highway!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."