Data Guru Gifts

'How close to the truth do you want to come, sir?'

"Guide us, Oh Database Manager!"

"It's a graph of economic recovery...which way up do you want it?"

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"We've got the numbers...now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'We've got a cloudburst here...it's raining stats and logs!'

"The following program contains technology terminology. Millennial guidance is advised."

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

"Let's see now. This one goes right here."

Businessman dreaming of pie charts when he sees a pizza.

Meeting with lots of paperwork and angry members.

'I'm taking a north poll.'

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

It's not forever......

Never forget the magic asterisk...

"Yes, we’ve been wrong, but we’ve been consistently wrong!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Here's MY information highway!'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Robots In The Boardroom

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

The Modern Novel.

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

"I love your optimism."