Data Custodian Gifts

'Let me introduce you to James, our data steward, Bill, our data custodian, and 'Moose,' our data bodyguard.'

'Crusher' Collins: Data custodian by day, data bouncer by night.

British savings accounts

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

Fear/Knowledge

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

Big Data Tonight

Privacy Conference Security

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Bathroom Fairy

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Not guilty?"

Whittler's Mother.

'I want to find out what the formula was I wrote yesterday on the blackboard and was erased by the custodian.'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

"You're in luck...I've unearthed those payroll records from 3 years ago."

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"We've stared at the election map for so long it's become a Magic Eye poster."

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

"Is this piece of artwork or a chart of current market trends?"