Data Guardian Gifts

'We will never divulge your personal data unless you ask us not to.'

"I just found out a hacker stole my identity crisis."

"Don't mind me, folks, I'm just here for regular system maintenance."

"I've entered your PIN for you. "

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

The Enemies Within? They're the Boys in Blue

Please hold while we download gigabytes of personal data about you.

Facebook Privacy

"I'm sorry I accidentally threw the USB flash drive away. If we go through the trash, we can find it. It should only take a few years."

"Sssh. . . it's listening. . ."

"Sonny, never burn your bridges or delete your data base."

Hate Platforms

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Privacy Conference Security

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

It appears to be some sort of computer virus.

"I think earth's antivirus software expired."

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"I tell you, I don't like the looks of it."

"Let's see now. This one goes right here."

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"Whoa - not so fast! I've got to check your browsing history first..."

Businessman dreaming of pie charts when he sees a pizza.

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"They're worse than carpenter ants. We have hacker ants."

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'I have the MRI scan of your brain. The right hemisphere is clogged with computer passwords.'

'We have to be forthright with the public. We have to have their confidence. We have to convince them we're working for the common good. Then we can invade their privacy.'

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.